Those Who Matter Most . . .

I read an interesting quote today. It said:

You cannot add to the peace and good will of the world
if you fail to create an atmosphere of harmony and love
right where you live and work.
-- Thomas Dreier

It's ironic that I happened upon this particular quote now because I'd been thinking about how we treat those who are the closest to us. Maybe it's because we feel the freedom to be ourselves with them, especially with our families. We know they'll likely put up with us however we act. Because of this we often take our bad moods out on them, snap at them, go around the house with a forbidding expression on our face that says "Approach at your own risk". In other words, we can be just downright grouchy and unreasonable.

If this happens only now and then, it's considered just being human and is overlooked by those who love us. However, if we make a habit of it we may find tension and unhappiness developing in our homes. No one likes to be used as a scapegoat for long, even if they do care about us. This applies to children as well as spouses.

The fact is we sometimes treat our families in a way that we would never consider treating a virtual stranger. Sometimes the tone of voice we use is rude and inconsiderate. Other times we don't listen to what's being said to us because we're too focused on our own issues. We may even treat the person who's speaking as an unwelcome interruption.

When these things happen, do we even stop to think about how we're making the other person feel? Most of the time I don't think we do. We are so wrapped up in our own thoughts that our actions don't penetrate our consciousness. If they do we may feel bad for a minute and promise ourselves that we'll be more considerate the next time. Seldom do we take a minute to apologize, set aside our own concerns and ask our wife, husband, child to go on with what they were saying.

Of course, not one of us is perfect. There are going to be instances when we mistreat the members of our family. That's not to say it's acceptable, only that it will happen. The secret is to make certain it doesn't happen often. And, when it does happen, we have to acknowledge that we're wrong ~ not just to ourselves but to the person we've injured with our unkindness.

We all want to know we're important, that our feelings are important. When we are continuously made to feel that we aren't, we start to believe it. This is especially true of children. If we don't give them the quality, as well as quantity, of time and attention they seek, they begin to think there's something wrong with them, that they don't deserve it. Then we have the making of an insecure person who doesn't believe in his or her own self worth. They don't realize that it's our problem, not theirs.

Even our spouses can begin to lose confidence if they are constantly treated as unwanted pests. Is that what we want? Of course not! We love our families and want each person to be happy and secure. But sometimes we make the mistake of thinking they should just know how we feel. That's a big mistake. People need to told how special they are to us, how much they're loved. And, even more importantly, they need to be made to feel it.

For that to take place, we have to show them through our actions that what they say and how they feel matters to us. Maybe you're up to your neck in alligators when your son comes home from school upset about what another boy said to him. Maybe you're bone-tired and looking forward to nothing but sleep when your wife is excited about being elected president of the women's professional club. What do you do in these cases?

The ideal answer is to put your own cares away and give your full attention to the matter at hand. But if you positively can't do that, you still need to let your family member know you care about what's happened and want to discuss it further; ask if it would be okay to take it up a little later after you've had a nap, resolved the current crisis, taken an aspirin for your blasting headache, etc. Then, be sure you do!

We've each made a commitment to our families to be there when they need us, to care about the things that affect them, to show our love and affection, and to put them at the top of our priority list. If we're successful in keeping those commitments we don't have to worry about having harmony and love in our homes. Once we've achieved that, the rest will take care of itself.