Do You like Yourself?

Sadly, there are millions of people walking around on this earth who don't like themselves. Even sadder, is the fact that, except for those who suffer from a severe mental disorder, it doesn't have to be that way.

We're capable of changing what we don't like. It's that simple and that hard. Take, for example, the man who feels bad about himself because he's never been able to hold down a job. Why hasn't he? If he's really honest with himself and examines the reasons he was let go, he will likely come up with one or more truths about himself that he must confront and set about changing. Is he always late for work? Why is he late? Does he take too much time off? For what reasons? Does he fail to complete his job assignments? Again, why?

There could be a hundred and one different reasons why any particular individual isn't successful at keeping a job. Sometimes, he may be the victim of downsizing or some other factor that isn't under his control, but, that's unlikely to account for a life-long pattern. Most of the time, things happen because of something we're doing or aren't doing. That's why we have to take responsibility for our own lives and change the things that need changing.

Why wouldn't we want to? Would we rather go through life being unhappy with ourselves, feeling that we're less than we should be? Unfortunately, for many that's the option of choice. But, is it really easier to put off making the changes that could improve our lives when the alternative is being unhappy with ourselves?

We have to first love ourselves before we can truly love another. If we fail to do that, we aren't giving or getting back all that we deserve. How many relationships have been ruined because one of the partners suffered from low self-esteem? I know several and I'm sure you do too. We can't depend on someone else to build us up; that's something that must come from within ourselves.

Sure, there are times when comments from another make us feel good ~ momentarily ~ but to really be able to internalize those positive remarks, we must believe they're valid. So many people send messages to themselves that go something like this, "If he knew what I'm really like, he wouldn't have said that", or "If she knew the real me, she wouldn't like me."

Sometimes attitudes like this result from things that were said to us in the past. Maybe our parents or friends said things that attacked our self-esteem and self-confidence. In childhood, we pretty much accept as fact what people we care for say about us. We don't usually stop to analyze it and decide if it has merit or not. We may go years believing that we're useless just because someone we trusted made us feel that way. That's unfortunate and it happens to most of us at one time or another.

However, we still don't need to live our lives with that label we accepted when we were children. There comes a time when we have to judge ourselves. We must decide what we feel our strengths and weaknesses are. Then, if we find things that need correcting, we need to correct them.

In order to do that, we need to set goals and allow ourselves a series of small victories. It wouldn't make sense to set a goal like "Become a better person". What do we have to do to become a "better person"? What does that mean? Does it mean that we need to stop procrastinating, or that we need to spend more time with our children? Or, does it mean we need to better educate ourselves in a certain area, start attending church again, express our feelings more often, or learn to control our tempers? Maybe, for some, it means all of those things or another list equally as long.

We didn't become who we are in a day and it's silly to assume we can change who we are in a day. But, if we tackle just one negative behavior at a time, we'll eventually be the person we want to be. Now that we know it's possible to change, the only question that remains is if it means enough to us to make that change.

As I said in the beginning, we have a choice ~ we can stay as we are and continue to be unhappy with ourselves ~ or, we can choose to change the behavior that makes us unhappy. That's a decision we each have to make for ourselves, but, don't try to fool yourself with rationalizations like "this is just the way I am and I can't change it." That's simply an excuse ~ it doesn't hold water. Don't short change yourself by accepting it.

You can become the person you want to be ~ the hardest part is deciding to do it.