Breaking Down the Roadblocks . . .

We're all unique beings but I think, deep down inside, most of us want the same basic things ~ primary among those is loving, satisfying relationships. It's been said that "no man is an island" and, generally, that's true. Oh, you run across someone now and then who seems to prefer living a solitary existence ~ takes pride in living independently from others and forms no close bonds with anyone. But these people are in the minority and, even then, I can't help but wonder if, deep within, they, too, don't really want to love and be loved ~ maybe they just don't know how to go about it or have been emotionally scarred by close relationships in the past.

But for the majority of us, relationships are what life is all about. Whether in business or in our personal life, relationships play a supreme role. And yet, sometimes we're so clueless about the things we need to do to grow and nurture strong, meaningful, and enduring relationships. Prime among the mistakes we make is our tendency to take them for granted; we fail to devote the time and attention they require. Like flowers in the garden, relationships wither and die if they don't get what they need to survive.

If we want lasting relationships we have to truly listen to what the other person is saying and, maybe, to what isn't being said, but is, instead, being communicated non-verbally. Does that sound hard? It really isn't, as long as we make the effort to really get to know someone. For example, if you have young children, you know when there is something bothering them even if they don't tell you. When they're troubled, you can tell by their expressions, the way they react to other people, and their general behavior. But first you have to take the time to notice what may, sometimes, be subtle changes. The same is true of all close relationships.

How many marriages end due to simple neglect? I would venture to say it's a lot. We stop paying attention, we stop listening, and, we grow apart. Soon our mates are simply strangers with whom we share the same space. I'm certainly not a marriage counselor, but I know this wouldn't happen if we took the time to show our wife or husband how much we appreciate the things they do for us . . . how grateful we are that they share our lives . . . that we love them before all others . . . that they always have our support . . . that we are always there for them. It seems like such a simple recipe for a successful marriage and yet so few people seem to stock the necessary ingredients.

How long does it take to say "thank you", "I love you", "you look beautiful (handsome) today", "tell me what's bothering you", "how do you feel about____?", "I need your advice", "I'm so happy you're home", "I really appreciate what you did"?? How long does it take to send a greeting card or cook a favorite meal? How much would it mean if you left little notes expressing your love and appreciation? Simply taking the time to do these small things can make all the difference.

What about our friends? Do they know how much they mean to us? If they don't, why don't they? Everyone craves acknowledgement and appreciation ~ whether that person is a spouse, a child, a family member, a friend, a business associate or a customer ~ and when we show that, we not only cement our relationships, we make those people, as well as ourselves, feel good.

Giving another person your undivided attention is one of the greatest gifts you can bestow. This involves listening with both of your ears and with your mind. It doesn't mean letting your thoughts wander from what's being said to what happened in the meeting today or what remains on your to-do list. Listening is becoming a lost art and we can't afford to let that happen. We must put our own concerns aside and, for a few minutes, concentrate on another instead of on ourselves. Isn't that what you want when you're talking? Why would anyone else expect less?

If we all gave to one another the same consideration we want for ourselves, there wouldn't be so many broken relationships, alienated families, lost friendships and lonely people. Just by treating others the way we'd like to be treated, we can tear down most of the roadblocks to fulfilling relationships. All it requires is a little time and a little effort and a lot of caring.