Don't Get Stuck in Your Past . . .

How much time do you spend thinking about yesterday, last week, last year or many years ago? Do you worry about things you did that you now regret? Memories are wonderful things ~ they give us a chance to relive happy times, remember those who are no longer with us, and, sometimes, teach us lessons.

But . . . there always seems to be a "but", doesn't there? But, if we spend more time reliving our past than we do enjoying the present, we're not getting as much from our lives as we should. It's important to know where you've been but it's equally important to know where you are and where you're going. Too much time focused on the past keeps us from making the most of today.
We all know those who seem fixated on things that happened in their pasts ~ usually unpleasant things. They beat themselves up over and over again for mistakes they made years ago. They just can't seem to get past those experiences and the memories are heavy burdens to shoulder year after year.

Of course, we all know that you can't change what's already happened. Unfortunately, life doesn't have a rewind button. We can't go back and edit things to make them better. If that's the case then why do we waste our time focusing on mistakes and errors in judgment we may have made? Doesn't it make more sense to just admit we didn't do what we wish we had, forgive ourselves and try to live in a way that ensures we don't to the same thing again? Mistakes are great teachers if we use them productively and learn from them.

However, if we continue to chastise ourselves after we make a mistake, we aren't gaining anything from the experience. Learn from it and let it go! We must focus on what's happening now and where we hope to go tomorrow. If we live in the past, we have no present or future . . . they're totally wasted on us.

All of us have regrets, things we wish we'd done differently ~ that's because we're imperfect humans. No matter how hard we try, we're still going to make mistakes now and then, that's just part of developing and growing. To expect anything different of ourselves is unreasonable and places an unnecessarily heavy weight on our shoulders.

I know only too well how heavy the attempt to be perfect can be. There was a time in my life when my standards were so high that it was almost impossible to reach them. The house had to be cleaner than clean ~ if I wrote a letter to a friend and my handwriting wasn't as even as I wanted, I'd start the letter over until it was. Yeah, I wasted a whole lot of paper in the process. But the worst thing was that this attempt to be perfect made me a real pain to live with! Not only did I expect unreasonable things from myself, but also from the rest of my family.

I thought a towel should always be folded neatly and placed on the rack after a shower. It drove me crazy when someone threw it over the shower curtain bar! I've since learned that the towel dries much quicker and stays fresh longer if you allow it to dry before you put it back on the rack. ; ) But, no one could have convinced me of that then ~ it didn't look tidy to have a towel slung over the bar! My philosophy was that everything has a proper place and should be in that place ~ no matter what!

Does that sound like a pretty rigid way to live? It was, believe me. Did it make me a better person? No! It made me a discontented nag! Even when I stopped nagging about little things like that and folded the towel myself, I still felt resentful that I had to do it. Tiny little insignificant things can have giant repercussions on our attitudes. When I think back to those days, I laugh, but it wasn't humorous to me then.

The attempt to be perfect had even more destructive results in my relationships with others. I hated it when someone expressed an opinion contrary to mine; I became defensive and unpleasant. I somehow interpreted a differing opinion as an assault me and on my intelligence. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? It was! But when I was in my 20's and 30's that's how I was. Can I change that now? No, but it doesn't mean I have to continue being that same person either. I had to forgive myself for being a nag and a pain and become more flexible and accepting.

Back in those days, my mother accused me of being a snob and I was highly insulted. I really didn't think I was. But now, as I look back, I see she was right. It wasn't that I felt I was better than others, it was that I expected everyone to see things the way I did. That's just another form of snobbery because I wasn't accepting the value of other people's thoughts and feelings.

That was yesterday, I don't live like that today. I learned from my mistakes. I don't waste time and energy punishing myself for the way I was then. Instead, each day I try to learn something about myself, others, or life in general, that will make me a better person. I'm free to enjoy all the wonderful little blessings I find along the way because I'm open to them ~ I'm not reliving my past. It's that openness that has made all the difference.

Life is happening today ~ don't miss it!

Take Time Just to Be . . .

If we allowed it, every minute of our day would be filled with something . . . there's work, our families to care for, the house to tend, laundry to do, meals to shop for and prepare, there are things to fix, bills to pay, calls to make and return, events to attend, the yard to keep up . . . the list could go on forever. Sometimes things seem so hectic that we can hardly catch our breath. We're racing here and there to do this and that ~ always in a hurry.

But wait a darn minute here!

Who says we have to live this way? Is there an unwritten rule no one told me about? Is there a Universal Law that requires humans to keep pace with this wild continuous beat? I don't think so!

No matter who we are, we all need time just to be . . . to refresh our bodies, our minds, and our souls. We have to get off that treadmill and spend some time just being ourselves. Forget about work, forget about dusting and doing laundry, let the phone ring and, yes, let our families take care of themselves for a little while. In other words, we need to forget about everything but ourselves for a few minutes.

What we do during this time doesn't matter. Maybe we want to take a walk in the woods and spend a few minutes sitting on a fallen log and just breathing the fresh air. Maybe we want to take a long, relaxing bath or have a private conversation with our God. Maybe we'd like to throw a stick for the dog to fetch or jog in the park. The only thing that matters is that we do something we enjoy doing ~ something that allows us to get in touch with our inner selves.

And ~ we need to make these little micro-mini vacations a habit. They keep us in balance and provide a time for us to nourish our spirits the same as we nourish our bodies. We wouldn't think of not eating for weeks or months at a time ~ what makes us think we can ignore the hunger pangs of the place deep within each of us that makes us who we are?

Just as we must keep the lines of communication open with our customers, our families, our spouses, we must also have a clear, static-free direct line to our own thoughts and feelings. If we don't, we lose ourselves amid the chaotic "busyness" of our lives.

So, take time just to be . . .

On a Spring Day . . .

Today is one of those perfect spring days that make your heart sing and your spirit soar. The windows are open and a gentle breeze is playing with my lace curtains. From one window I can see three whitetail deer frolicking in our front yard. The other window gives me a wonderful view of the blue, blue sky and fragile new leaves opening on our oak tree. If I could see the back yard from here, I'd look out on our pond with it's soothing waterfalls, and, further back, near the forest, pert little yellow daffodils adding their touch of glorious color.

Everything is coming back to life after a long winter's nap. It's a time of renewal and hope ~ a time when everything seems possible. If the tiny little seeds and bulbs can live through the hostility of a frigid climate and grow again into beautiful flowers; if the dormant brown grass can turn into a velvety green carpet almost overnight, then surely we can survive the ups and downs of this rollercoaster ride called life.

We know the skies will eventually darken and the heavens will send electric spears of light coursing through them. The clouds will produce sheets of rain and the earth will vibrate with explosions of thunder. The tallest trees will swing back and forth with the angry wind. Those days, too, have a special beauty if one takes the time to appreciate it. The storms are necessary for the flowers, grass and trees to grow and flourish.

The same thing can be said of the dark times we experience in our lives. Without them, how could we appreciate all the goodness that comes to us? As we struggle through the stormy episodes, we grow stronger and more resilient; if we're lucky we learn and become wiser with each passing storm. Our confidence blossoms and we finally understand we're capable of withstanding even the most powerful onslaughts that life can deliver.

Without challenges, without obstacles, we fail to become the best we can be. Without challenges we never test or build our strengths. And, while we may sometimes think that's just fine with us, we wouldn't achieve the potential and possibility that lies within each of us. Like eaglets, we need to be pushed from the comfort of our nests if we are to learn to soar.

But, now, the day is perfect and I'm committing each moment of it to memory. On the next dark, stormy day, I'll pull it out and relive it.