Don't Get Stuck in Your Past . . .

How much time do you spend thinking about yesterday, last week, last year or many years ago? Do you worry about things you did that you now regret? Memories are wonderful things ~ they give us a chance to relive happy times, remember those who are no longer with us, and, sometimes, teach us lessons.

But . . . there always seems to be a "but", doesn't there? But, if we spend more time reliving our past than we do enjoying the present, we're not getting as much from our lives as we should. It's important to know where you've been but it's equally important to know where you are and where you're going. Too much time focused on the past keeps us from making the most of today.
We all know those who seem fixated on things that happened in their pasts ~ usually unpleasant things. They beat themselves up over and over again for mistakes they made years ago. They just can't seem to get past those experiences and the memories are heavy burdens to shoulder year after year.

Of course, we all know that you can't change what's already happened. Unfortunately, life doesn't have a rewind button. We can't go back and edit things to make them better. If that's the case then why do we waste our time focusing on mistakes and errors in judgment we may have made? Doesn't it make more sense to just admit we didn't do what we wish we had, forgive ourselves and try to live in a way that ensures we don't to the same thing again? Mistakes are great teachers if we use them productively and learn from them.

However, if we continue to chastise ourselves after we make a mistake, we aren't gaining anything from the experience. Learn from it and let it go! We must focus on what's happening now and where we hope to go tomorrow. If we live in the past, we have no present or future . . . they're totally wasted on us.

All of us have regrets, things we wish we'd done differently ~ that's because we're imperfect humans. No matter how hard we try, we're still going to make mistakes now and then, that's just part of developing and growing. To expect anything different of ourselves is unreasonable and places an unnecessarily heavy weight on our shoulders.

I know only too well how heavy the attempt to be perfect can be. There was a time in my life when my standards were so high that it was almost impossible to reach them. The house had to be cleaner than clean ~ if I wrote a letter to a friend and my handwriting wasn't as even as I wanted, I'd start the letter over until it was. Yeah, I wasted a whole lot of paper in the process. But the worst thing was that this attempt to be perfect made me a real pain to live with! Not only did I expect unreasonable things from myself, but also from the rest of my family.

I thought a towel should always be folded neatly and placed on the rack after a shower. It drove me crazy when someone threw it over the shower curtain bar! I've since learned that the towel dries much quicker and stays fresh longer if you allow it to dry before you put it back on the rack. ; ) But, no one could have convinced me of that then ~ it didn't look tidy to have a towel slung over the bar! My philosophy was that everything has a proper place and should be in that place ~ no matter what!

Does that sound like a pretty rigid way to live? It was, believe me. Did it make me a better person? No! It made me a discontented nag! Even when I stopped nagging about little things like that and folded the towel myself, I still felt resentful that I had to do it. Tiny little insignificant things can have giant repercussions on our attitudes. When I think back to those days, I laugh, but it wasn't humorous to me then.

The attempt to be perfect had even more destructive results in my relationships with others. I hated it when someone expressed an opinion contrary to mine; I became defensive and unpleasant. I somehow interpreted a differing opinion as an assault me and on my intelligence. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? It was! But when I was in my 20's and 30's that's how I was. Can I change that now? No, but it doesn't mean I have to continue being that same person either. I had to forgive myself for being a nag and a pain and become more flexible and accepting.

Back in those days, my mother accused me of being a snob and I was highly insulted. I really didn't think I was. But now, as I look back, I see she was right. It wasn't that I felt I was better than others, it was that I expected everyone to see things the way I did. That's just another form of snobbery because I wasn't accepting the value of other people's thoughts and feelings.

That was yesterday, I don't live like that today. I learned from my mistakes. I don't waste time and energy punishing myself for the way I was then. Instead, each day I try to learn something about myself, others, or life in general, that will make me a better person. I'm free to enjoy all the wonderful little blessings I find along the way because I'm open to them ~ I'm not reliving my past. It's that openness that has made all the difference.

Life is happening today ~ don't miss it!