You've probably wondered . . .

You've probably wondered just what happened to me when I disappeared with no word to you. Several months ago, I started to feel really exhausted all the time and just generally "unwell". After a long time of trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I was finally diagnosed with lung cancer. It's surely not a diagnosis that anyone would welcome but it isn't the end of the world either.

After all of the tests were completed and I knew where I stand, I decided to start a new blog to chronical what's happening to me. The new blog, "Never Say Die" . . . Living with Lung Cancer, has three goals:

1. To keep my friends and family informed of what's going on with my treatment and how I'm progressing.
2. To allow me to express my thoughts and feelings about being a cancer patient.
3. To help other cancer patients, even if it's just to let them know they aren't alone.

There will probably not be any further entries in this blog ~ at least for the time being ~ as I concentrate my efforts on getting well. If you want to follow the new blog, you can find it here: http://fightingforyourlife.blogspot.com. Despite what the link would indicate, this is not a gloom and doom journal. Those of you who have been familiar with this blog know that isn't my style. Hopefully , some of the messages will have value to you whether you suffer from a major illness or are just making your way through life. I urge you to check it out.

But, whatever the case, I thank you for reading Northern Reflections and I'm sorry I can't continue with it right now. I've enjoyed sharing my thoughts with you and I hope you picked up some valuable tidbits along the way.

My love to you all.

When our parents get older . . .

If we're lucky to have our parents with us long enough, there comes a time when we begin to notice a subtle shift in our roles. Those who were our guiding lights for most of our lives, begin asking for our guidance. Those who were our anchors, our strength, reach a point where they need our strength. And, finally, those who gave us unlimited love and understanding, need us to give them ours.

It isn't easy to watch your parents age. In fact, it's a bit frightening. You suddenly realize that your mom and dad are not going to be with you forever and you wonder how you'll get along without them. They've probably been the most stable part of your life ~ the two people who were always there and upon whom you could always depend. It's scary to imagine life without them.

When your parents die, they take with them a very special bond that exists with no one else on earth. Nothing can replace that bond between parent and child. You may have a loving wife or husband, children of your own, siblings with whom you've shared most of life's experiences but none of these are the same as what you've known with your parents. It's special and something to be treasured. When it's severed, it leaves a huge void.

No matter how old we get, mom and dad possess a place in our hearts that no one else can fill. And no matter how successful we are, how independent or self-sufficient, we still need to know they're there when we need their wisdom and support. We may have mentors and best friends but there are still some occasions when we just need to touch base with mom or dad.

As our parents age, it's important that we accept our new roles with love, understanding, and compassion. We accept their forgetfulness and listen to the same story many times over as though it's as fresh as it was the first time. We treat them with the same respect we ask from them. As they become more infirm in mind and body we ensure that they are not robbed of their dignity. We willingly give them the support they request but we never treat them like children.

We set aside whatever petty disagreements may have cropped up over the years, knowing that, like us, they aren't perfect. And, like any long-standing relationship, there were certain to be times when we couldn't agree. The most important thing to remember is that, while we may have been disappointed with their reactions at times, they always had our best interests at heart.

Almost every parent wants their children to be happy, fulfilled and live a life that's free of major disappointments and heartache. Sometimes they may have thought we took the wrong path ~ sometimes they may have even been right. But, always, no matter how rough they may have been on us, it was a result of the love they felt for us and their desire for us to live our lives according to the highest standards possible.

As they age, we need to show them how important they are to us. There's no longer time to put off telling them how much they mean to us or how much we love them. There aren't a million tomorrows left to get to know and admire them as the people they are. Now is the time to spend that extra hour with them here and there, share the things they enjoy with them, and wrap them in our love.

It's time to let them know, once and for all, that we're proud of them and proud to call them mom or dad.

Don't wait until time runs out . . .

What's Wrong with Procrastinating?

Do you put things off? Are you a procrastinator? Yeah, me too.

It's one of those nasty habits I have to work really hard to overcome. It's especially difficult when it involves tasks that I don't particularly enjoy doing . . . Like laundry.

Now, don't get me wrong ~ I love having clean clothes and an empty laundry basket. And, if I can remember to throw in a load of laundry each day, I don't mind doing it at all. But, when the piles of laundry reach half way to the ceiling, I hate the thought of starting. I will do most anything to keep from being trapped in that room with all those dirty clothes!

I guess I have a mental block when it comes to laundry. I know it only takes a few minutes of my time if I just keep up with it. But, you know how it goes. I get busy doing other things and the laundry is the furthest thing from my mind. That is, until it's grown to mountain-sized proportions. Then I think about it constantly. The important word there is "think". It's always in the back of my mind, plaguing me like a bad toothache. When the amount becomes overwhelming, I start procrastinating. : (

You know what happens then: the piles keep growing, I feel more guilty, my concentration on other things is affected, and I accomplish less. It has a really negative affect on how I feel and perform.

It's so unnecessary!

I developed a new system. I throw a load of laundry in the washer and set a timer at my desk to go off when the wash cycle should be finished. Then I put those clothes in the dryer and set my timer again. This way I'm not left with clothes languishing in the washer for days or until they need to be washed again. Yes, I have had that happen in the past! Plus, I'm right there when the dryer stops so the clean clothes don't get wrinkled.

When the laundry is done, I feel so wonderful! It's worth taking a few minutes from my online work to do it. When I don't, I feel totally out of control and I don't like being out of control. It's just so much easier to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. Then you can go on with your other activities and not have to worry about it.

Of course, I'm only using laundry as an example. The same thing applies to any task you have a tendency to put off . . . Maybe it's writing ads for your online business, making dental appointments, or balancing the checkbook. Whatever it is, if you just force yourself to do it when you should, it never becomes a thorn in your side and it never becomes overwhelming. Best of all, you always feel good about yourself and what you're accomplishing.

The more you dislike doing something, the sooner you should get to it. Get it out of the way so you can get on to something that's more enjoyable. And just imagine how noble you'll feel when you've completed that onerous task! You'll feel lighter, happier, more capable and have a lot better self-image. You'll be in control.

I have to go now, the timer just went off . . .

"Of the people, by the people, for the people"? Who's kidding who?

I try to keep the articles in this blog positive but, every once in awhile, I get fed up with the way things are going and need to let out a little steam. This is one of those times. I also try to leave my political beliefs out of my comments. This is an exception.

Is it any wonder the mood in this country seems to be getting angrier every day? Maybe everyone is starting to feel the same way I am ~ sick of our government selling us out!

Let's just consider some of the things that are going on this month:

• Gas prices are reaching the stratosphere. Oil companies say they have nothing to do with it and yet they enjoy the billion dollar profits they're hauling in because of it.
• Social Security is an endangered species. However, our illustrious Senators and Congressmen enjoy a retirement program the likes of which we'll never see.
• The Network Neutrality law was voted down by our House of Representatives ~ striking yet another blow to the "little people" and giving big business another shot in the arm.
• We're embroiled in the Iraqi War with no end in sight and where more and more of our troops lose their lives each day. Mr. Bush visits Baghdad for another "photo opp" in a desperate attempt to improve his sagging approval rating.
• Pharmaceutical companies develop drugs that kill people ~ all with the blessings of the FDA.
• Next week, cell phone numbers will be turned over to telemarketers ~ this time WE'LL have to pay to be harassed by those "can't take 'no' for an answer" vultures.
• Our own government is invading our privacy and spying on us in the name of National Security and the "war on terrorism".
• Due to the economic instability of our nation, the American dream of home ownership is becoming a pipe dream for many citizens.
• We open our doors to immigrants from other countries and yet can't provide enough jobs to keep our own citizens working.
• These immigrants receive more benefits and tax breaks than the average American does.

These are just a few of the things that make my hair stand up and my blood pressure rise.

While we supposedly elect our government officials to do our bidding, to represent us, and to fight for our needs and wants; it doesn't seem that the majority of them get the message. Could it possibly be that they're more concerned with lining their own pockets than with helping us pay the grocery bills? Do huge campaign contributions carry more weight than the beliefs and desires of their own constituents? No! That couldn't be true . . . or could it?

Let's forget the economic issues for a minute and think about the way our government is selling out our very culture. This country was founded as a Christian nation . . . "one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all". Remember that? Then, why is it now against the law to display the Ten Commandments in public buildings; why is prayer outlawed in our schools; why are churches forbidden from displaying nativity scenes during the Christmas season? In fact, why has the Christmas tree been turned into the more "politically correct" holiday tree?

Since its beginning, the United States of America has opened its doors to those of other nations. That's fine ~ that's where it got its name as the "melting pot". However, it seems that things have gone a bit awry. Now foreigners who come to America seem to have more rights than our own citizens. We worry so much about offending those of different religions that we've watered our own religious freedoms down to the point where they hardly exist.

This is still our country ~ it belongs to American citizens! If other nationalities want to make their homes here, fine! However, they should have to accept us as we are, the same as we accept them as they are. We don't forbid them to practice their religions or their customs. Why then should we be forced to give up our customs?

I received this email a few days ago. It speaks of recent events in Australia. It also reflects my own beliefs about ALL immigrants who come to this country ~ not just Muslims:

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to Australia at a special meeting with Prime Minister John Howard, he and his ministers made it clear that extremists would face a crackdown

Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir apparent to Howard, hinted that some radical clerics could be asked to leave the country if they did not accept that Australia was a secular State and its laws were made by parliament.

"If those are not your values, if you want a country that has Sharia law or a theocratic state, then Australia is not for you", he said on national television.

"Immigrants, not Australians must adapt. Take it or leave it. I am tired of this Nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in
Patriotism by the majority of Australians.

However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia.

However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some who were born here, need to understand.

The idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Australians we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle.

This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese or Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you want to become part of our society, learn the language.

Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push but a fact because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.

We will accept your beliefs and will not question why, all we ask is that you accept ours and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.

If the Southern Cross offends you or you don't like a "Fair Go" then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.

We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. By all means, keep your culture but do not force it on others.

This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining and griping about our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other great Australian freedom:

THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

If you are not happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.

"I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that there are two laws governing people in Australia, one the Australian law and another the Islamic law. That is false. If you can't agree with parliamentary law, independent courts, democracy and would prefer Sharia law and have the opportunity to go to another country, which practices it, perhaps, then, that's a better option" Costello said.

Asked whether he meant radical clerics would be forced to leave, he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked to move to the other country.

Education minister Brendan Nelson later told reporters that Muslims who do not want to accept local values should "clear off"

"Basically, people who don't want to be Australians and they don't want to live by Australian values and understand them, well then they can basically clear off" he said. Separately Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques.

It's about time the American people demanded their country back. It's also time for us to expect our wishes to be reflected in congressional and senate votes and to determine the priorities of our government's actions. Is this thinking too radical? I hope not.

From the other side . . .

Do you recall when you were a child under 10 and thought your parents had the answers to everything? Remember how you counted on them to solve every problem? You trusted they would always know what to do ~ no matter how dire the circumstances seemed to you. They seemed bigger than life ~ the anchor of your well-being. A hug, a kiss, a word of reassurance from them and everything was okay again.

How old were your parents then? In their twenties or thirties? Maybe early forties? Thank goodness we didn't understand that they, too, were often insecure, unsure and had a million questions of their own that were unanswered. LOL Many times I'm sure they were just as scared as we were. But, they put up a great front and none of us ever believed for a moment that they couldn't fix whatever needed to be fixed.

I can remember times when my children were small, incidents frequently arose that I really wasn't sure how to handle. But, since parenthood doesn't come with an instruction book, I just did the best I could. Did I make mistakes? Certainly! Did I ever say to myself, "I want my mother!" Of course! After all, my mother had all the right answers . . . didn't she?

You have to be a parent yourself before you truly understand what you owe your parents. Only then can you appreciate the uncertainty, the sleepless nights, the hopes and dreams they experienced as they stuggled to raise us to be good people capable of contributing something to our world.

Until you have your own children you can't understand the fear and apprehension that accompanies parenthood. Remember the first time you let Jimmy walk to school alone and were so scared he'd get lost or that some predator would take him? Remember how you worried that Janie would be lost in the forest or drown in the lake that first time she went on a camping trip without you? Even when kids are just toddlers, parents have a million worries ~ Bobby could fall down the stairs . . . Susan could choke on a toy . . . if you turn your head for a second, John could slip into the pool. Even eating has its risks! So, you cut all food in tiny little pieces and watch nervously as your "baby" picks it up in his chubby little fingers, turns it over and over as he examines it and finally pops it into his mouth. Each time he doesn't choke you breathe a real sigh of relief.

Remember the first outing to the park or playground? The swing, the slide and the teeter-totter all seemed like monsters with the sole purpose of maiming your child! Then, how about that first bike? Oh dear! A whole new category of worries! But they're nothing compared to those you experience when the time comes for your child to drive and ride in cars with his friends. That's just a total nightmare. There are dates, parties, sleep-overs, trips to the mall ~ all filled with dangers only a parent can understand.

All of this presents a real conundrum for parents. On one hand, you want to raise your children to be independent and become good, responsible adults, capable of making sound decisions. On the other, it's torture to let them do the things that will give them the experience they need to learn how to function independently in the world. So, you convince yourself to let go and just pray!

But meanwhile, at least until they finally figure out otherwise, your children never suspicion what's going on inside your head, don't suspect what fear reigns within you when Mary is 20 minutes late getting home . . . when Jake's fever spikes to 103° in the middle of the night . . . when Jessica falls and knocks out a tooth . . . when Sam gets poked in the eye with a stick . . . when Callie comes screaming in the house with blood dripping from her head . . . or, when the police call at 10 pm to say Hank's been involved in an auto accident. Nope, they sure don't ~ you have your "parent" face on! The face that says you're in control, you know exactly what to do, and everything will be fine.

Isn't it amazing that we fool them as long as we do??

If you can see it . . . You can be it.

The human mind is an amazing thing. Those in the know say we only tap about 10% of its potential. Imagine if we trained our brains to give us the things we want! They could be every bit as magical as Aladin's lamp. It's really not that hard to do ~ like any skill it just requires time, focus and persistence.

You've heard of visioning . . . That's where you create a picture in your mind of how you would like something to be. Say, for example, you want to lose weight. You imagine how you will look when you reach your desired weight. In order to be effective, your picture must be very detailed . . . What clothes are you wearing, how do they feel? What do you see yourself doing in this picture? Are you dancing? Talking with friends? Walking along the beach? What are you thinking? How do you feel in your thinner body? How has your self image changed? Can you see yourself stepping on the scale and watching the numbers gradually decrease until they reach your goal weight? Can you imagine leaning over to tie your shoes comfortably AFTER you've buttoned and zipped your jeans? There are any number of things you can add to your vision ~ but I'm sure you get the idea.

Does visioning work? Yes! It isn't anything new. Athletes use it all the time. Let's say you want to perfect your free throw shots in basketball. You imagine yourself standing at the line. You feel the crowd around you. You picture how your arm and hand move, how your muscles feel as they follow through with the shot. Then you see the ball dropping through the net. In other words, you envision every step it takes to make a perfect shot, see yourself doing it and feel the muscles in your body as they carry it out. You play this movie in your head several times a day and really concentrate on the feelings it involves. You'll eventually see it happen on the court in real life.

Affirmations are the best friends of visioning. These are positive statements you repeat as if you had already reached your goal. "I weigh 125 pounds and my clothes feel wonderful." "My body is fit and slender." "I'm energized and confident. I can do anything I set my mind to." "I love exercising my new body." "I feel vibrant and beautiful." "I love eating healthy foods that keep my body looking trim." "My free throw average is 100%." "I'm the best free-thrower on the team." "I love the sound of my ball swishing through the net." "I'm calm and focused when I make my shot." "I'm confident my shot will go through the hoop."

Like visioning, you must repeat these statements over and over and over again. Eventually your mind accepts them as true and that's when they become the reality! All you're doing is reprogramming your mind to give you what you want. You can apply this to any goal you want to achieve.

Neither of these methods can be used haphazardly. In order to be effective, they must be practiced over and over again until they become a part of you. When that happens you'll achieve the goal you set for yourself. What was once a vision will become your reality. What you repeated to yourself is now true.

You have the power to change your life if you use these methods faithfully. Nothing is beyond your reach if you can see and feel yourself doing it. Try it and see what happens!

Don't Get Stuck in Your Past . . .

How much time do you spend thinking about yesterday, last week, last year or many years ago? Do you worry about things you did that you now regret? Memories are wonderful things ~ they give us a chance to relive happy times, remember those who are no longer with us, and, sometimes, teach us lessons.

But . . . there always seems to be a "but", doesn't there? But, if we spend more time reliving our past than we do enjoying the present, we're not getting as much from our lives as we should. It's important to know where you've been but it's equally important to know where you are and where you're going. Too much time focused on the past keeps us from making the most of today.
We all know those who seem fixated on things that happened in their pasts ~ usually unpleasant things. They beat themselves up over and over again for mistakes they made years ago. They just can't seem to get past those experiences and the memories are heavy burdens to shoulder year after year.

Of course, we all know that you can't change what's already happened. Unfortunately, life doesn't have a rewind button. We can't go back and edit things to make them better. If that's the case then why do we waste our time focusing on mistakes and errors in judgment we may have made? Doesn't it make more sense to just admit we didn't do what we wish we had, forgive ourselves and try to live in a way that ensures we don't to the same thing again? Mistakes are great teachers if we use them productively and learn from them.

However, if we continue to chastise ourselves after we make a mistake, we aren't gaining anything from the experience. Learn from it and let it go! We must focus on what's happening now and where we hope to go tomorrow. If we live in the past, we have no present or future . . . they're totally wasted on us.

All of us have regrets, things we wish we'd done differently ~ that's because we're imperfect humans. No matter how hard we try, we're still going to make mistakes now and then, that's just part of developing and growing. To expect anything different of ourselves is unreasonable and places an unnecessarily heavy weight on our shoulders.

I know only too well how heavy the attempt to be perfect can be. There was a time in my life when my standards were so high that it was almost impossible to reach them. The house had to be cleaner than clean ~ if I wrote a letter to a friend and my handwriting wasn't as even as I wanted, I'd start the letter over until it was. Yeah, I wasted a whole lot of paper in the process. But the worst thing was that this attempt to be perfect made me a real pain to live with! Not only did I expect unreasonable things from myself, but also from the rest of my family.

I thought a towel should always be folded neatly and placed on the rack after a shower. It drove me crazy when someone threw it over the shower curtain bar! I've since learned that the towel dries much quicker and stays fresh longer if you allow it to dry before you put it back on the rack. ; ) But, no one could have convinced me of that then ~ it didn't look tidy to have a towel slung over the bar! My philosophy was that everything has a proper place and should be in that place ~ no matter what!

Does that sound like a pretty rigid way to live? It was, believe me. Did it make me a better person? No! It made me a discontented nag! Even when I stopped nagging about little things like that and folded the towel myself, I still felt resentful that I had to do it. Tiny little insignificant things can have giant repercussions on our attitudes. When I think back to those days, I laugh, but it wasn't humorous to me then.

The attempt to be perfect had even more destructive results in my relationships with others. I hated it when someone expressed an opinion contrary to mine; I became defensive and unpleasant. I somehow interpreted a differing opinion as an assault me and on my intelligence. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? It was! But when I was in my 20's and 30's that's how I was. Can I change that now? No, but it doesn't mean I have to continue being that same person either. I had to forgive myself for being a nag and a pain and become more flexible and accepting.

Back in those days, my mother accused me of being a snob and I was highly insulted. I really didn't think I was. But now, as I look back, I see she was right. It wasn't that I felt I was better than others, it was that I expected everyone to see things the way I did. That's just another form of snobbery because I wasn't accepting the value of other people's thoughts and feelings.

That was yesterday, I don't live like that today. I learned from my mistakes. I don't waste time and energy punishing myself for the way I was then. Instead, each day I try to learn something about myself, others, or life in general, that will make me a better person. I'm free to enjoy all the wonderful little blessings I find along the way because I'm open to them ~ I'm not reliving my past. It's that openness that has made all the difference.

Life is happening today ~ don't miss it!