The Difference Between the Curmudgeons and the Serene . . .

Have you ever noticed how many unhappy people there are in this world of ours? Almost every time I venture out I come in contact with them. You see them in the stores, the market, on the roads ~ everywhere. They are the ones who don't seem to know how to look pleasant. Their faces are scrunched up in ugly frowns, they sigh and grumble a lot. They're rude to store clerks and restaurant servers. They honk their horns if traffic doesn't move fast enough to suit them. They let the door slam in your face as you enter a store. They yell at their children and lose their tempers if they are made to wait.

They seem to be chronically angry. Nothing seems to please them. What's wrong with them?

Maybe their lives haven't turned out the way they had planned ~ maybe the stress of everyday living is too much for them ~ maybe they hold bitterness and resentment inside until it becomes visible for all to see. And ~ maybe a few of them are just having a bad day.

When you meet these kinds of people your first inclination is to stay as far away from them as possible. That's probably the safest thing to do! ; ) But sometimes, if you make an effort to talk with them, maybe just smile and say hello, you find their countenance changes ~ they almost seem surprised that anyone would make the effort to connect with them. Their faces soften and they smile back at you. At times just saying "hi" to one of these people can start a pleasant conversation.

One day at the grocery store I happened to get a cashier who really looked surly! I asked her if she was having a bad day. That started a ten minute conversation in which she told me she had been working 16 straight days without a break; that she was getting married in a month and had a million things left to do for the wedding. As she talked she became more animated and began to smile. As I left, I noticed she greeted the customer in line behind me in a pleasant, happy voice.

Maybe the fact that someone took the time to speak with her and was willing to listen to her story was enough to make her feel a little better. Sometimes we all feel isolated from our fellow man. We focus so intently on what's wrong with our lives, with our world, that we fail to see the goodness around us. All of our negative thinking makes us miserable and that's the face we present to others. We may not even be aware of what we're doing or how we appear. When that happens all it may take to bring us out of our self-imposed misery is a kind word from someone, even a stranger.

We're told that, in large part, we create our own unhappiness. I believe that's true. Whether we want to believe it or not, our attitudes play a significant role in how happy or unhappy we are. There are people who can take things in stride that would bring others to their knees. What's the difference between the two? Maybe it's as simple as the way people react to the things that happen in their lives. Some people look at problems as challenges, others look at them as roadblocks. The first group finds ways to resolve issues, the second group develops a defeatist attitude and doesn't even try.

When we come up against an obstacle we have a choice. We can whine about how unfair it is or we can do something to remove it. It's our decision. If we choose to do nothing, nothing will be accomplished and we'll fail to progress beyond that point. If we continually choose to do nothing we end up with a life of frustration and broken dreams. Our self esteem plummets and we see ourselves as losers. Or, we may feel victimized and become resentful and bitter. Either way we're going to miss out on much of the goodness life has to offer.

We have the power to literally change our lives. All we have to do is change our attitudes toward life. Making the changes isn't always easy but it can be done. I'm living proof of that. I used to be very negative, always focusing on the bad rather than the good. I was the proverbial "glass half empty" type of person. That kind of attitude is self-perpetuating unless you make a decision to change it and start concentrating on the good things that happen.

No life is without its bumps and sometimes it seems like you're driving over boulders, but that's okay. Peter Marshall wrote, "When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." We have to accept those bumps and feel confident that they will help us grow stronger.

We all have blessings to be grateful for ~ it's those we must rely on to support us when we hit a rough patch on our journey. It's up to us to make the best of bad situations and develop the ability to see life as an endless stream of wonderful possibilities. To react in any other way drastically limits our capacity for joy and happiness.

That being said, it's up to all of us to do what we can to make it easier for others to see the positive side of life. Not only does it help them, it makes us feel better too. So next time you see someone who looks like a thundercloud, summon up your courage, stand tall and make a simple human connection.

You can make a difference.

"Where Have All the Flowers Gone?"

Back in the 60's we had the hippies (or flower children) who practiced a doctrine of "make love, not war". Many of them lived in communes where they planted gardens and lived off the earth. They lived simply. A lot of them also lived a lifestyle that included free sex and and a lot of drugs. They peacefully demonstrated against the Viet Nam War (or conflict, as it was called back then). While their basic tenets were sound, they carried things to extremes. They lost credibility because of the excesses they practiced.

When I think back to those days, I wonder what would have happened if the hippies had lived more moderately. Would some of the beliefs they held have spread and affected a larger segment of the population? Is there anything wrong with showing our love for one another, or focusing on the beauty of this earth rather than on a stuggle to make more and more money? Could we all live more happily with fewer material goods?

Obviously the hippies weren't "zoned out" all the time. A lot of what they said made complete sense. What is the most important thing in our lives? Is it living together in peace and harmony or is it joining the rat race so we can buy more, and more, and more stuff?

We buy stuff that we don't have a use for, some of which we don't even want. Why do we buy it? Is it to look prosperous to our friends? Is it to improve our own self-image? Why have we become a society of procurers of stuff? Buying things that are meaningful to us is one thing ~ buying things just to achieve or maintain a certain status is another.

I hate to say it but we've become a society of materialistic snobs. We look down on someone who drives an old, beaten up car or who doesn't dress in the current fashion. We judge people by how much they have, not by who they are.

I think all of our possessions have crowded out our common sense and surely a lot of our humanity. When we see a homeless person on the street we automatically consider him or her a loser; someone who has no ambition, a derelect and probably an addict. We seem to think he or she has chosen that way of life. Do we stop to realize that the only thing that may separate us from them is a "pink slip"?

Some homeless people were once just like us. They had families who loved them, they held jobs and supported themselves, they lived like you and me. But then something catastrophic happened. Maybe one lost his job and couldn't find another. Maybe another tragically lost a loved one and couldn't deal with the loss. Maybe someone else was horribly mistreated by people whom she loved and trusted. We don't know their stories.

Neither do we know the stories of the middle aged man who drives a battered up car and dresses in ragged clothing, the young woman who struggles to raise her child alone, or an elderly couple who has grown embittered with life. But we have a name for all of them, don't we?

Instead of labeling people, what if we did something to try and help them? Maybe we have no more to give than a pleasant smile and a warm greeting or maybe we have time to volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen. Maybe we could visit the lonely souls whose families have forgotten them . . . you can find them anywhere. We could donate to a food pantry for the poor or support a charitable organization that makes a difference. It doesn't matter how much or how little we have to give ~ the important thing is that we give.

And just maybe, we should think about the old adage "there but for the grace of God go I". A basic truth in life is that no one is guaranteed that the comfortable lifestyle he lives will last forever. In the blink of an eye we, too, can be poor, alone or homeless. Maybe we should think about that the next time we're out shopping for stuff and come across someone who is less fortunate. Maybe we won't be so quick to judge.

Next time you go on a shopping spree, consider the amount you've spent on things you don't need. Think about how much that money would mean to a man who doesn't have enough to eat, a mother who can't buy her growing children new clothes, or the family who can't pay their electric bill. Then tell me who deserves to be judged.

Maybe the hippies had a point when they proposed that we all love and take care of one another.

Are We Neglectful?

I read an interesting article today. It focused on the fact that too many times we are so involved in our businesses that we don't give our families enough of our time.

One of the advantages of working from home is supposed to be having more time to spend with our families, more time to spend having fun and doing what we want. The only problem is that sometimes we get so caught up in all the things our businesses require that we spend less time with those we love.

Isn't that defeating our purpose?

And, how does it make our families feel?

For the most part, our families have been supportive of our online endeavors. They have encouraged us and been there to listen to our dreams, our goals, our successes and, yes, our problems. For that fact alone, don't we owe them our presence and our attention?

We all know that it takes a lot of time and effort to get a new business off the ground ~ on the Internet as well as in "real" life. But once we have our businesses up and running, we need to take time to show that our personal relationships are the most important part of our lives. We must not take them for granted or we may find our well-ordered lives in shambles.

Remember this today when you're tempted to send out just two or three more emails, read one or two more ezines or visit another forum. You have a family waiting in the next room! Your husband or wife and, if you are blessed, your children, need you. They need you to share in their lives the same as they have shared in your plans and dreams.

Power down the computer and take your family to the beach or to a movie. Just go out for an ice cream cone ~ but enjoy them and let them enjoy you.

Everyone's life will be so much richer.

Defining Happiness . . .

Many years ago my mother told me that happiness was found by making others happy. I think there's a bit more to it than that but she did make a valid point. We all know that happiness comes from within, that another person can't really make you happy. The people we care about can create happy moments for us but whether we live in a state of happiness or not is really our own responsibility. At least that's how I see it.

My mother's advice has merit because it does make us feel good to do something nice for another person. When what we do has a positive impact on another it also has a positive impact on us. We like seeing another person smile because of something we've done. It makes us smile too. It makes us feel good about ourselves. That's no small thing. The better we feel about ourselves, the more positive our self images are and the greater self-esteem we develop. I think both of those things are required for a person to be truly happy.

When we focus on another person we're also taking attention away from our own challenges. Too many times we become victims of tunnel-vision ~ only seeing the world in ways that affect us directly. When we broaden our perspective and consider other people and what their lots in life are, we often find we don't have it as bad as we thought. We begin to feel grateful for what we have in our lives ~ maybe a loving family, maybe a home we love, maybe a strong network of friends, maybe just having enough money to put food on the table. When we look around we quickly discover there are many who have none of those things.

I don't know if happiness can really be defined but one thing is for certain ~ happiness is an attitude. We can make ourselves miserable or we can elevate our spirits by concentrating on the things that are right in our lives. It's our choice.

Of course, there are times in everyone's life when tragedies occur, things happen over which we have no control. We're sometimes blindsided by events that suddenly disrupt our lives. We may feel deep sadness, grief, maybe even hopelessness or desperation. At times like this we may need help learning to see the sun instead of the clouds, the dawn instead of the darkness. But, given time and effort, we can move back to the point where we can again put things in their proper persepective. We often find that we've grown stronger because of the these unfortunate experiences.

So, in large part, it all goes back to attitude again. We can wallow in self pity because of small problems we encounter in our day or we can brush them off and start the next day with a smile, determined to make it better. I think it was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense".

Have a wonderful day.

The Joy of Starting Over . . .

Remember when you were a kid? Remember the first day of school? Sure was exciting, wasn't it? Among my favorite things were all those brand new notebooks. There was nothing written in them; they were just waiting for me to fill them up with new ideas and things I would learn. They represented a new beginning. I had a blank slate on which to start over.

Every day can be that way. There is nothing negative about starting over. Each day we have the opportunity to put the past behind us and change our lives as well as those of the people around us. Oh, I'm not talking about big changes that will shake the earth, just little changes ~ little changes that can make a big difference.

Most of us don't realize just how powerful we are. Neither do we use that power. Imagine for a minute that you woke up one day and decided you were going to make a positive difference in just one person's life. Think you could do it? Yes, of course, you could. It isn't really that hard when you stop to think about it.

Doing a little something to make another person feel good is all you have to do. Take a few minutes to talk to an elderly person who lives alone. Send a "just because" card to someone you haven't talked with in awhile. Make your husband's favorite meal. Bring a single rose to your wife. Tell your son or daughter how proud s/he makes you. Tell your mom and dad how much they mean to you.

I'm sure you can think of a hundred other little "random acts of kindness" that would mean so much to someone else ~ things that would bring a smile, ease a pain, build a self-image, make someone feel special. Just imagine what an impact you could have in a year if you added a ray of sunshine to just one person's life every day!

Yes, we do have the power to change the world, just one day at a time, one person at a time. Life is about relationships ~ build them!