"Today I move ahead with courage."

What do you think of this affirmation?

"Today I move ahead with courage."

No matter how secure we think we are, no matter how healthy our self-images may be, we are all afraid of something. For me, it's the fear of water. As soon as the water level reaches my waist, my heart rate increases, I start to get shaky and I panic. Even putting my face into the shower spary used to frighten me and I went through all kinds of contortions to make sure my face was always free of water. Over the years, my fear has diminished somewhat but I still haven't conquered it. It's now on my list of things to do.

Can you imagine all the fun I've missed by giving in to this fear? I never learned to swim, I missed all the fun my friends had at the pool and at the beach. I was just an observer; never a participant. And, if the truth were to be told, I've always been a bit ashamed of myself for not tackling the fear and putting it behind me.

I used to be terrified of flying. I was barely able to breathe when I got on a plane. I spent the entire flight with wet palms and a racing heart. I didn't dare look out the window until we were making our final approach ~ for some reason the knowledge that we would soon be on the ground gave me a modicum of courage. Every little sound the plane made startled me and I was sure it signaled trouble. My husband wanted to go to Hawaii but I refused because I couldn't envision myself trapped in a plane for that long and, of all things, flying over water!

It took me a long time to get over that fear, but now I enjoy the flights. I don't get panicky at the mere thought of getting on a plane. I now feel comfortable enough to sleep on a plane and look out at earth below. I enjoy looking at the different cloud formations we pass through and the hum of the engines is tranquilizing. I'm even fairly composed when we fly through storms. All those years I could have been enjoying all of this instead of cringing in abject horror, sure the plane would soon plummet from the sky. And . . . I wouldn't have missed a Hawaiian vacation!

Last summer, I had a corrective procedure done on my heart. I was terrified of that. I'd put it off for seven years because the thought of it scared me so much. However, when I finally went ahead and had it done, I found out that it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd anticipated. I was proud of finally getting it done and also sorry that I'd lived so long with the daily threat of tachycardia episodes when I didn't have to.

We all have those things that scare us to death. It may be public speaking, cold-calling a prospect, getting on an airplane, going to the dentist ~ the list goes on and on. The point of all this is that we aren't living up to our full potential as long as we let fear paralyze us and prevent us from living our lives fully.

It takes courage to confront and overcome our fears ~ there's no question about that! But . . . imagine how much we stand to gain if we develop that courage and use it to travel down paths we've always been afraid to tread. Our self-confidence will soar, we'll accomplish things we never dreamed we could, and, most importantly, we'll know we have the courage to take on any challenge life presents us. Think about it and see if there's a fear that's keeping you from being the best you can be and preventing you from living a full and satisfying life. If there is, "ahead with courage"!

If I can do it, you can too.

Do You like Yourself?

Sadly, there are millions of people walking around on this earth who don't like themselves. Even sadder, is the fact that, except for those who suffer from a severe mental disorder, it doesn't have to be that way.

We're capable of changing what we don't like. It's that simple and that hard. Take, for example, the man who feels bad about himself because he's never been able to hold down a job. Why hasn't he? If he's really honest with himself and examines the reasons he was let go, he will likely come up with one or more truths about himself that he must confront and set about changing. Is he always late for work? Why is he late? Does he take too much time off? For what reasons? Does he fail to complete his job assignments? Again, why?

There could be a hundred and one different reasons why any particular individual isn't successful at keeping a job. Sometimes, he may be the victim of downsizing or some other factor that isn't under his control, but, that's unlikely to account for a life-long pattern. Most of the time, things happen because of something we're doing or aren't doing. That's why we have to take responsibility for our own lives and change the things that need changing.

Why wouldn't we want to? Would we rather go through life being unhappy with ourselves, feeling that we're less than we should be? Unfortunately, for many that's the option of choice. But, is it really easier to put off making the changes that could improve our lives when the alternative is being unhappy with ourselves?

We have to first love ourselves before we can truly love another. If we fail to do that, we aren't giving or getting back all that we deserve. How many relationships have been ruined because one of the partners suffered from low self-esteem? I know several and I'm sure you do too. We can't depend on someone else to build us up; that's something that must come from within ourselves.

Sure, there are times when comments from another make us feel good ~ momentarily ~ but to really be able to internalize those positive remarks, we must believe they're valid. So many people send messages to themselves that go something like this, "If he knew what I'm really like, he wouldn't have said that", or "If she knew the real me, she wouldn't like me."

Sometimes attitudes like this result from things that were said to us in the past. Maybe our parents or friends said things that attacked our self-esteem and self-confidence. In childhood, we pretty much accept as fact what people we care for say about us. We don't usually stop to analyze it and decide if it has merit or not. We may go years believing that we're useless just because someone we trusted made us feel that way. That's unfortunate and it happens to most of us at one time or another.

However, we still don't need to live our lives with that label we accepted when we were children. There comes a time when we have to judge ourselves. We must decide what we feel our strengths and weaknesses are. Then, if we find things that need correcting, we need to correct them.

In order to do that, we need to set goals and allow ourselves a series of small victories. It wouldn't make sense to set a goal like "Become a better person". What do we have to do to become a "better person"? What does that mean? Does it mean that we need to stop procrastinating, or that we need to spend more time with our children? Or, does it mean we need to better educate ourselves in a certain area, start attending church again, express our feelings more often, or learn to control our tempers? Maybe, for some, it means all of those things or another list equally as long.

We didn't become who we are in a day and it's silly to assume we can change who we are in a day. But, if we tackle just one negative behavior at a time, we'll eventually be the person we want to be. Now that we know it's possible to change, the only question that remains is if it means enough to us to make that change.

As I said in the beginning, we have a choice ~ we can stay as we are and continue to be unhappy with ourselves ~ or, we can choose to change the behavior that makes us unhappy. That's a decision we each have to make for ourselves, but, don't try to fool yourself with rationalizations like "this is just the way I am and I can't change it." That's simply an excuse ~ it doesn't hold water. Don't short change yourself by accepting it.

You can become the person you want to be ~ the hardest part is deciding to do it.

Setting the Child Free . . .

Inside all of us, no matter how young or old we may be, there lurks a child. We may have forgotten about him but he's there ~ the reminder of how we once were.

When we were children, we looked at life through wondrous eyes. Everything aroused our curiosity, we asked endless questions, we learned. But, more than that, we experienced true joy. Listen to the laughter of a young child ~ it comes from deep inside and infects everyone within hearing distance. You can't help but at least smile when you hear that joyful, abandoned glee! Even the most jaded among us reacts to a child's laughter.

And, what causes this joyous sound? Almost anything . . . puppy kisses, flying high in a swing, swooping down a slide, a dripping chocolate ice cream cone, and a special mommy or daddy touch. Children don't know about inhibition ~ at least not until we teach them. They fully express whatever they feel ~ their joy, their sorrow, their anger and their frustration.

Unfortunately, as we help them learn to express negative emotions appropriately, we also teach them to rein in their expressions of joy. I suppose it's a natural, unwanted side effect but it happens none-the-less. And, as we grow older, we lose much of that unbridled enthusiasm that makes childhood such a wonderful time.

However, that doesn't mean we can't reincarnate it! If we set aside the jaded views we've adopted over the years and really pay attention to all the miracles that surround us each day; if we let the child out of our souls and let him lead us ~ we will again feel the wonder and excitement the world offers us. We will again react spontaneously to the beauty of a butterfly, the peace of a rippling brook, the security of strong arms that enfold us, and the love that surrounds us.

We can learn to play again, to forget, just for a moment, all the challenges that confront us and let ourselves have fun ~ feeling nothing but the delight of the moment. Can you imagine how wonderful it would feel, how restorative it would be? Imagine how it would feel to fall on the blanketed ground and make snow angels, to cover yourself in autumn leaves or to splash in springtime puddles . . . maybe even to go skinny dipping in a remote stream. Silly? Of course! Isn't that the attraction?

Now and then we need to set aside adult preoccupations and return to the carefree mindset of a child. If you don't want to call it what it is ~ just having fun ~ consider it an exercise for improving mental health for it will surely improve our attitudes and our moods.

So c'mon! Have some fun ~ romp on the floor with your puppy, go down the slide with your child, lay on the grass and find pictures in the clouds, play in the sprinkler, chase your wife or husband with the hose . . . be a child for just a little while, and . . . laugh 'til your sides hurt and tears are streaming from your eyes! Then you'll remember just how joyous life can be.

The Magnificent Power of a Smile . . .

I read a verse today that I'd like to share with you. It goes like this:

"It costs nothing, but creates much.

It enriches those who receive without

impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a flash, and the memory of
it sometimes lasts forever.

None are so rich they can get along without

it, and none are so poor but are richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill

in a business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged,

sunshine to the sad, and nature's best antidote

for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen,
for it is something that is no earthly good to anyone
until it is given away.

And if in the course of the day some of your friends

should be too tired to give you a smile, why don't
you give them one of yours?

For nobody needs a smile so much as those

you have none left to give!

- Author Unknown

A smile is just a little thing, easy to give ~ why then, do some seem to find it so difficult to accomplish? We all know those who walk around every day with such sober expressions they look as if they've just received terrible news. But if we ask them what's wrong, they look at us quizzically and say "Nothing, everything is fine." And it is. They have no idea that their faces tell a much different story.

Then there are those who can never seem to find anything in life about which to smile. They look at everything from a negative perspective. If you say, "What a beautiful day!", they respond with "Yeah, but it 's gonna rain later." Their grumpy visages are true mirrors of what they feel inside. When I meet someone like this, I challenge myself to get at least one tiny little smile from him. Most of the time I succeed but, every once in awhile, it proves to be an impossible feat. It's those people who need our smiles the most.

Imagine how horrible it would be to go through life feeling there is nothing at all to smile about! Imagine how dark your soul would be. Yet there are those who spend their lives that way. To them, life is something to be gotten through, not enjoyed. They know nothing about the simple joys that can be gained from the sight of a glorious sunset or dew glistening on a soft rose petal. They aren't filled with emotion by the strains of "America the Beautiful" or "Amazing Grace" or any other song that elicits strong feelings in most of us. Theirs is a sunless world pervaded with emptiness and sadness.

Smiling is a wonderful habit to adopt. It makes you look more approachable, friendlier, and as if you find good things in life to acknowledge and celebrate. I read a little saying somewhere that said "Smile ~ it increases your face value." That's certainly true, but the truly amazing thing is the affect it has on others. How do you feel when you meet someone who's face is brightened with a smile? Doesn't it automatically make you feel a little better, a little brighter, too?

We seldom think about the impact something so simple can have. Yet, the power of a smile is awesome. Your smile may give comfort to one who grieves; it may give hope to one who is disillusioned; it may warm someone who has experienced only coldness. Your smile has the power to change another person . . . just for a moment or for a lifetime.

So, don't be stingy with your smiles ~ share them with everyone you meet ~ because you never know what amazing changes they may achieve.

Never Too Old to Learn . . .

Last week I started a course, written by a woman I greatly admire, that's designed to help you make whatever changes are necessary in your life. Even at age 61, I'm learning things about myself that I didn't realize before. It's amazing what you discover when responding to questions that, at first glance, seem to have self-evident answers.

When you begin to really examine those feelings that are buried deep within you, all kinds of things reveal themselves. I'd thought I knew myself quite well. Now I realize just how wrong I was. I guess I'd never before taken the time to delve into what really makes me tick. That's not to say that I was completely ignorant of who I am ~ I wasn't. But at the same time, I had a rather superficial understanding of myself.

One of the biggest surprises was learning that I don't place the appropriate value on myself and my abilities. I thought I had a healthy self-image but I now see I don't give myself enough credit for the things I've accomplished in my life. Maybe we're all too quick to disregard our own achievements, to think they're nothing extraordinary.

I believe it would be a good exercise for all of us to sit down and examine what we've done in our lives ~ the strides we've made, the challenges we've overcome, and the things we've done that no one else in this world could do in exactly the same way. While we all have many things in common, each of is also unique and graced with special talents. We need to acknowledge those qualities that set us apart and, not only show gratitude for them, but take a certain amount of pride in them.

Most of us don't give ourselves enough credit ~ we consider ourselves pretty average. In many respects we are; however, we each have at least one area where we shine. We owe it to ourselves and, to those around us, to make the most of our unique abilities, but we can't do that unless we first discover and acknowledge them.

Quality time spent in self-discovery could be the very thing that opens doors for us that we never knew existed. What a wonderful and productive way to begin this new year.

When Life Spins Out of Control . . .

Everyone experiences those times in their lives when things just seem to spin out of control. Everything seems to be going along great and then, wham, the washer goes wacky and spews out water all over the floor, your 10-year-old comes down with strep throat, your mother tells you her doctor is concerned about her blood counts and has ordered more tests, your best friend announces her husband has left her, your husband is concerned he'll be laid off from the job he's held for 12 years, and . . . you receive an NSF notice from your bank.

When things like happens, you want to crawl into bed, pull the covers up and sleep until everything is resolved. But you can't. So, what do you do? First off, it may be therapeutic to just sit down wherever you are and have a good cry! That behind you, you can start to deal with the issues that confront you. Let's take them one at a time ~ trying to handle all of them at once is just too overwhelming.

What are the issues you can do something about? You can clean up the mess in the laundry room and schedule a service appointment. You can give your sick little guy the prescribed medication, keep him comfortable and give him some extra TLC. You can call the bank and find out why your check bounced. Okay, now you're handling the things you can control.

But what to do about your mother, your friend and your husband? Is there really anything you can do about these situations other than offer an understanding ear, a compassionate touch, and a strong shoulder to cry on? Will anxiety and worry affect the outcome? Not at all! But you can fret and stew until you are half mad with fear and negative thinking if you choose. Of course, that path will only lead you to misery and exhaustion.

Do you have another option? Of course you do!

First of all, you have to recognize that life will always present you with situations you can't fix. They are perhaps the most bothersome and frustrating because there is nothing you can do to change them. Once you acknowledge that and accept it, you can begin to change the one thing you can change ~ the way you react to them. We each have a choice . . . we can let negatives overwhelm and defeat us or we can turn them into positives. Does that sound too simplistic? It isn't.

How you view you world is the number one factor that determines what you receive from it. If you spend your days looking for negatives, you'll undoubtedly find them. However, if you focus on your blessings instead, you'll find all kinds of wondrous things begin to happen. Learn to expect this; accept nothing less! Whatever thoughts you fill your mind with become your reality. If you think about happy, cheerful things ~ your world will be happy and cheerful. If, on the other hand, you focus on ugly, scary things, they will take over. It's up to you to create the kind of life you want.

Of course, we all realize there are disasters and tragedies that will always turn us upside down. Some losses are simply too great to be handled with just a positive outlook. These kinds of things take time to work through. We have to go through all the normal stages of grief until we can accept the loss and prepare to get on with our lives. Sometimes faith can help pull us through, or the support of friends and family; other times we may need professional counseling.

However, even in these situations, we have to believe things will eventually get better . . . the pain won't always be as acute, our world won't always seem as dark . . . that down the road we'll be able to feel joy and happiness again. Even amid the deepest grief, hard as it may be to do, we have to keep that spark of hope alive. Otherwise, we risk falling into an abyss so black and deep, the struggle to climb out may not seem worth it.

We each have an immense power inside ourselves ~ the power to control how we react to the things that happen to us and around us ~ it's imperative that we learn to use that power to create the life we want. This is the only way we can exercise control over our lives and live our dreams .

As Dr. Norman Vincent Peale said: "No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see the possibilities - always see them, for they're always there." Focus on those possibilities instead of the darkness and your life will always be bright.

Thoughts on a Snowy Day

It rained all day yesterday and then began snowing last night. This morning a beautiful wonderland greeted us when we got up. The usually barren trees are dressed in their most elegant winter finery. Snow coats every branch and twig and turns them into soft, white, graceful sentinels. The only thing that would make it prettier is a bit of sunshine, but, I'm afraid that isn't to be today.

Looking out on this scene makes me remember just why we moved to this area in the first place. Cities were fine when we were younger ~ they held all the activity and excitement that you enjoy at that time in your life. However, as my husband, Dave, and I grew older we wanted something different ~ more peaceful, quieter, more private and filled with nature's beauty. We both grew up in small towns and we longed to be part of a real community again; a community where you know your neighbors and the people you see in the grocery store all have familiar faces.

We live on a private lane that winds from the main road back through an old woods. We live at the furthest end and are surrounded by oaks, poplars, maples and pines. There are three other homes on the lane but each of us have enough property that we are well separated from one another. Our neighbors aren't full-time residents so we have the whole area to ourselves most of the year. It's like our own little park where we have grown to love the solitude.

I've found a lot of peace here. Things are simple and our lifestyle is very casual. It's a relaxing change from traffic jams and noise, too many people and not enough trees. We've lived here 11 years now and have never looked back. We don't miss the hustle and bustle of the city. In fact, on those rare occasions when we're forced to go back, we wonder how we ever stood living there!

The area is filled with wildlife. We have whitetail deer who come to visit every day, along with occasional visits from foxes, porcupines, possum, and, more frequently, raccoons. There are dozens of squirrel who live in our trees and funny little chipmunks who scamper around during the warm months. Many different types of birds serenade us and become very disturbed when the feeders are empty. Hummingbirds spend their summers with us and I never tire of watching them. One day we were even visited by a huge turtle. He lumbered into the yard, stayed long enough arouse the curiosity of our two Labrador Retreivers, and then made his way slowly back into the woods. We never saw him again.

It's just a short walk to a lovely, large lake where our dogs love to go swimming. The sunrises and sunsets there are truly remarkable. It's a beautiful place to go even in the midst of winter. The wind that whips off the lake then is very invigorating and certainly cleans the cobwebs from your mind! We also built a pond in our backyard and, during the warm months, it's a treat to sit on our deck and listen to the water course over the falls. It's so relaxing . . . it washes whatever problems you may have away with its softly murmuring tranquility.

Yes, I feel blessed to live here where I can focus on the things that really matter in this life . . . where I feel centered and at peace with myself, with nature, and with my God.