Breaking Down the Roadblocks . . .

We're all unique beings but I think, deep down inside, most of us want the same basic things ~ primary among those is loving, satisfying relationships. It's been said that "no man is an island" and, generally, that's true. Oh, you run across someone now and then who seems to prefer living a solitary existence ~ takes pride in living independently from others and forms no close bonds with anyone. But these people are in the minority and, even then, I can't help but wonder if, deep within, they, too, don't really want to love and be loved ~ maybe they just don't know how to go about it or have been emotionally scarred by close relationships in the past.

But for the majority of us, relationships are what life is all about. Whether in business or in our personal life, relationships play a supreme role. And yet, sometimes we're so clueless about the things we need to do to grow and nurture strong, meaningful, and enduring relationships. Prime among the mistakes we make is our tendency to take them for granted; we fail to devote the time and attention they require. Like flowers in the garden, relationships wither and die if they don't get what they need to survive.

If we want lasting relationships we have to truly listen to what the other person is saying and, maybe, to what isn't being said, but is, instead, being communicated non-verbally. Does that sound hard? It really isn't, as long as we make the effort to really get to know someone. For example, if you have young children, you know when there is something bothering them even if they don't tell you. When they're troubled, you can tell by their expressions, the way they react to other people, and their general behavior. But first you have to take the time to notice what may, sometimes, be subtle changes. The same is true of all close relationships.

How many marriages end due to simple neglect? I would venture to say it's a lot. We stop paying attention, we stop listening, and, we grow apart. Soon our mates are simply strangers with whom we share the same space. I'm certainly not a marriage counselor, but I know this wouldn't happen if we took the time to show our wife or husband how much we appreciate the things they do for us . . . how grateful we are that they share our lives . . . that we love them before all others . . . that they always have our support . . . that we are always there for them. It seems like such a simple recipe for a successful marriage and yet so few people seem to stock the necessary ingredients.

How long does it take to say "thank you", "I love you", "you look beautiful (handsome) today", "tell me what's bothering you", "how do you feel about____?", "I need your advice", "I'm so happy you're home", "I really appreciate what you did"?? How long does it take to send a greeting card or cook a favorite meal? How much would it mean if you left little notes expressing your love and appreciation? Simply taking the time to do these small things can make all the difference.

What about our friends? Do they know how much they mean to us? If they don't, why don't they? Everyone craves acknowledgement and appreciation ~ whether that person is a spouse, a child, a family member, a friend, a business associate or a customer ~ and when we show that, we not only cement our relationships, we make those people, as well as ourselves, feel good.

Giving another person your undivided attention is one of the greatest gifts you can bestow. This involves listening with both of your ears and with your mind. It doesn't mean letting your thoughts wander from what's being said to what happened in the meeting today or what remains on your to-do list. Listening is becoming a lost art and we can't afford to let that happen. We must put our own concerns aside and, for a few minutes, concentrate on another instead of on ourselves. Isn't that what you want when you're talking? Why would anyone else expect less?

If we all gave to one another the same consideration we want for ourselves, there wouldn't be so many broken relationships, alienated families, lost friendships and lonely people. Just by treating others the way we'd like to be treated, we can tear down most of the roadblocks to fulfilling relationships. All it requires is a little time and a little effort and a lot of caring.

The Music of Our Lives . . .

For many of us, music plays an important role in our lives. Music can transport us back in time, recall memories of specific times in our lives, of places, events and people. You can listen to a song that was popular at any particular time and, just for a few minutes, you are the person you were then. You can remember where you were, who you were with, and how you felt when that particular song played.

When I hear songs from the 40's (yeah, my memory goes back that far!) I think of my parents as they were then. I think of how young they were and all the dreams they must have had. I wonder if those dreams came true. I remember sitting on my dad's lap while my mother played the piano. For that reason "Daddy's Little Girl" will forever be part of my memories. I hear the war songs like "Over There" and think of how life was for Mom and Dad then. He was fighting in the Pacific and she was very likely worrying about his welfare. I wonder how those experiences changed them and helped to form the people they later became.

I remember the 50's and watching "Your Hit Parade" on TV with my family. I can still recall some of those songs like "The Tennessee Waltz", "How Much is That Doggie in the Window?", "Oh Mine Papa", and lots of others. Then there was "The Ed Sullivan Show" when Elvis Presley made his first appearance. I was immediately smitten. I recall my mother saying with disdain that he wouldn't be around long, that he was nowhere near as good as Pat Boone. Later on, my mom became a great Elvis fan and somehow the world forgot about Pat.

Thinking of those times, I remember the sizzle and pop of corn kernels, butter and salt on my fingers and everyone joined together in front of the black and white TV set. That was back when families watched programs together and discussed what they saw.

Music became especially important to me in the late 50's and early 60's. Is there a teenage girl who doesn't remember what song was playing when she first danced with that special someone? Or, what song she cried to when that relationship disintegrated? There are memories of homecoming dances and proms and special dates that come flying back when you hear a song from that time. I remember "It's All in the Game" by Tommy Edwards and The Fleetwoods singing "Come Softly to Me". When you hear those special songs, in your mind, you can see the smile on someone's face, what they were wearing and hear the words they said to you; you can feel the way you felt then. For just one moment, you are that teenage girl again. (My guess is that it works this way for men too.)

I remember the old hi-fi with lots of 45 rpm records. Laying on my bed listening to them by the hour. It was a time of dreams and puppy love and lost love, penny loafers and pleated skits, corsages and tears, class rings wrapped in dental floss or yarn or hanging on a chain around your neck. Every romance was "the one" and, when it ended, it seemed like the end of the world. And music was the ever-present companion that saw us through it all.

In the late 60's and early 70's, the world was in the midst of great change and nowhere was that illustrated more than in the music of that time. Social consciousness was raised by Joan Baez with "Kumbaya", "Blowin" in the Wind" and "We Shall Overcome". Then there was Peter, Paul and Mary singing "If I Had a Hammer" and "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?" Just listening to those songs calls forth images of peace marches, civil rights demonstrations, anti-war demonstrations, bras and draft cards burning, Kent State, flower children, and my friends going off to war. It was a time of social enlightenment, changing values and a lost sense of security. For the first time, my generation was facing war, both on the homefront and in Southeast Asia.

I could go on and on with these remembrances, but the important thing is the way music can recall another time, another lifestyle, another facet of who you were then and how you became who you are today. Music can change your mood, let you relive special times ~ times of love, times of loss and heartbreak, times of innocence and times of destruction. Music can pick you up or take you down ~ it can be bittersweet or happy, fill you with joy or cause tears.

Isn't it amazing what a simple song can do?

View from the Kitchen Window . . .

When I was a kid and was forced to do the dishes (my most hated task) I spent a lot of time gazing out the window above the sink. I could see who was driving down the road, the trees that bordered our yard, and part of the side of the garage. ; ) That window represented freedom ~ it allowed me to travel, if just in my mind, beyond the walls of the kitchen and away from the stack of dirty dishes.

Over the years I've lived in many different homes, but, none of them boasted a window like I dreamed of ~ a window where I could look out and feel that same sense of freedom I felt in my childhood home. Some had no kitchen window, much less one over the sink, one had an excellent view of the inside of our carport, and another looked out into the added-on family room. (At least with that last one I could take adventurous trips via the TV.)

Oh but now . . . !! I have a window that more than surpasses any dream I ever had. When I look out of my window I see the woods that surrounds our yard and watch the branches dance to and fro. I can watch whitetail deer nibbling the grass, fawns frolicking, birds flitting around, squirrels and chipmunks scurrying here and there. I can see our backyard pond with it's three waterfalls, rocks and the water plants that fill it. From my window I can also see the sky in it's variety of colors and watch the clouds in all their different moods. When the weather is good, I can hear the relaxing murmur of the water, the happy songs of birds, the inspiring melodies of the wind chimes and the wind rustling in the leaves.

From my window I can watch the seasons change; nature discarding one robe for another . . . colorful new spring blossoms, the lush foliage of summer, the vivid muti-colored leaves of autumn and the blankets of winter white. Each season has its own special mood that dances before my eyes and calls forth a million memories . . . of people and places and special times.

Does the view from my window make my life better?

It helps me to feel at one with nature. It reminds me that God is in His heaven. It causes me to stop and notice the beauty around me. It lets me delight in the changes of the seasons. It forces negative thoughts from my mind and provides a soothing balm. It reminds me that I've been blessed.

Aren't those the things that add quality and peace to our lives?

Isn't it the simple joys that make life a wonderful and exciting journey?